Are you wondering when that life changing moment will come from God? Do you ever feel that in the midst of running your kids here and there, cooking meals, breaking up sibling fights, never ending piles of laundry, the schedule, and living a fast-paced hectic mom life, that you might be missing Him ? I felt that for a long time. I'd sat in church all my life, heard stories from my friends about God speaking to them, read all the books, prayed faithfully, but never really felt like I had that moment where He was speaking directly to me. But sometimes, that speaking comes when you're least expecting it. In my case, He used bunnies.
Yes , I just said that God used bunnies to truly open my eyes.
The moment came a few months ago. Our daughter, Livie, was begging us for a pet bunny. We LOVE animals in our family. All of us. I can’t even count how many I’ve rescued and found homes for. We truly have a heart for them. But my husband, Brett, didn’t want a bunny. He'd joked that if I brought a bunny home, he'd be making bunny stew. He made it clear that the 2 dogs and 3 little girls were enough animals in the house. But I had recently seen the way he lovingly fed the class guinea pig with a huge smile on his face and I knew how much he loved animals. So when a friend showed me two brother bunnies (you can't split up brothers, right?) who desperately needed (well...maybe not desperately) a home, I thought surely he'd want that home to be ours. AND they were both boys!! In a house full of nothing but girls, I thought he'd appreciate the added testosterone. So Livie and I brought them home. To say he was mad is an understatement. I'd made a huge mistake! I felt horrible. I felt like I truly broke something in my marriage and didn’t know what to do. To make matters worse, the next morning I was in a minor car accident in my husband's car while driving to a women's retreat. I was so worried. I thought to myself, "My husband is probably considering divorcing me over bunnies, and now I have to call him to tell him his new car was just in an accident!"
I arrived late to the retreat with such a heavy heart. There was one word I couldn’t get out of my head the entire day. That word was 'guilt.' It was flashing in my head like a neon sign. I felt GUILT over making a big decision without my husband. I felt GUILT over possibly having to take the bunnies away from my kids. I felt GUILT that Brett’s car was now damaged. I just felt horrible all day long. I remember doing two activities at the retreat. One was to write down something on a stone that was weighing heavy on your heart, then toss the stone in a nearby creek and give it to God. My word was GUILT . The second exercise was to leave a prayer at the foot of the cross. I left a written prayer asking for help, to heal this wound in my marriage and for the GUILT I felt. After the retreat, I headed straight to church to meet Brett and the kids for the Saturday evening service. Brett was sitting by me, but it was very clear he wasn’t speaking to me. When our Pastor got up on stage to speak, one word in bold appeared on the giant screen behind him. GUILT. I couldn’t believe it. He spoke about owning up to your mistakes and to apologize and learn from them but then to let go of the guilt because we are human and will make mistakes. He also spoke about the difference between actual guilt (making a big decision without my husband) versus fake guilt (someone hitting his car). At the end of the service, he invited anyone feeling guilt to stand up while he prayed for them. In that moment, I knew even if I was the only person in the entire sanctuary to stand up, I needed to do it. As he was praying, I lost it. This had never happened to me in church. I mean full on ugly cry and running to the bathroom to hide. I’ve never in my life felt Jesus like I did that night in church. It was as if our Pastor was replaced by Jesus and he was speaking directly to me. It was, by far, the most powerful moment I’ve had in my faith journey so far. And I had no idea when I walked into church that night that God would reach out to me. I thought it was going to be an ordinary service. I was really just so focused on my guilt. I didn't think God would care so specifically for me, but there He was, speaking so clearly.
That night, I was able to own and apologize to Brett for my mistakes and truly let go of the guilt. There was healing in my soul and healing in my marriage. So in the middle of the crazy life you are living, I encourage you to keep seeking Him, because He IS there. Your God moment will be different than mine, but keep your eyes and heart open because He’s there everyday...always loving, always chasing.
Meet Jenn. Her warm smile probably has you feeling like you've known her for years. She has the gift of making others feel welcome and understood. Jenn somehow manages to always be punctual, even with a household of three little girls to corral. She's got a huge heart for animals and an eye for the perfect jewelry to match any outfit. A good heart-to-heart, ending in a laugh 'til it hurts kind of moment, feeds her soul. Jenn sees God in the people and beauty that surrounds her.